Happy Birthday, Love


Happy 20th Birthday my love, I’m sorry I can’t say it personally to you. I wish you all the best for the future and all the absolute best will come to you. Sorry to disappoint you that I can’t be there, but trust me I already prepared my surprise in some way, just hang tight and wait.

 

And I love you, I really do, sometimes I just want to be by myself or tired, but right now I absolutely love you with all my heart. There might be some disturbance in our relationship but trust me today is not the day, and pray that my surprise will work. But for sure it will work 🙂

 

Happy Birthday my love <3.


Why am i even breathing…
I miss home… i dont want to be here… i want to be home…
Can i get back home….
Why is this happening…
Its 2013 all over again…
Why am i here… I shouldnt be here…


Im afraid of dying.. perhaps i want to be knocked out unconsiously for two months or full bedrest for two months so i dont have any responsibility at all…
Was thinking things just will be better then, found out it will be harder instead…
I hate my life, i have no desire to even be in my own life…


i want to die

past weeks, ive been crying myself to sleep with the same thought as it was last year, im pathetic, i dont want to continue life, my life will never be significant.

and im having so much trouble with life, i dont even have the will to deal it, so every night, i go with my old prayer

dear god if you’re there, dont let me wake up tomorrow and let me rot in your hell…..

there will be no more journey ahead, im stuck, im rotting…..

please god, i dont want to wake up


fukcing miss being up this late with my internet, watching streams, nothing to expect from tomorrow, just eat, wash dishes, wash clothes, play dota, watch serial, movies, whatever dude just living the life. fuck i do miss that shit to be sleeping in my own bed. fuck this kind of life. fuck it.